Thursday, April 30, 2009

Depression

It seems to be quite easy to slip into a state of not wanting to do anything. ( I’m actually writing this quite a bit later than the date says.)
There were a lot of things that seemed to just add up at the same time. There was a lack of money from L. not working and medical bills. We couldn’t go out because L. was recovering and we were just coming out of winter with everything dead anyway. Couple that with dealing all the problems we were already dealing with for L.’s health and I lost pretty much any motivation to do anything at work, home or anywhere else.
I found myself starting to watch T.V. and play video games, two things I never really did before. I recognized the problem but doing something about it would require me to do something which as I’ve already covered was part of the problem. Since we had to delay moving to London for a year I no longer had something that I was working towards so I had to create artificial goals to give me a sense of control and accomplishment. I started to really concentrate on exercising as something to do and to get me out of the house. My brother in law also invited me to go with him to Burning Man so I tried to come up with some projects for me to do before then. Anything to distract myself from the current reality, while it would get better, it would take some time to get there.
The problem is familiarity. Now that the topic is on our minds, every TV show the topic seems to come up, or conversation about someone. While it might just seem like a weird phenomenon when you buy a new car to suddenly realize how many other cars on the road are the same as yours, in this kind of a situation neither of us wants to be reminded so it is extra frustrating that we are recognizing it everywhere.

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